I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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