New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
