first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
