erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
