Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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