if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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