Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
