my vag is so smooth its legendary
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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