Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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