Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
