Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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