Little spoons don't ask big questions
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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