I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
