i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
