just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
