how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
