Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
