I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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