take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
