Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
