i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
