the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
