Your dad touched me again.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
