We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
