He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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