I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
