Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
