I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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