I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
