he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
