Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
