The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
