I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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