I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
