Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
