dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
