i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
accomplished twins. life is a go
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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