I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
