My balls are so social today.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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