PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
