not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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