New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
