Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
