Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
