there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
