We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
