Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
someone owes me an orgasm
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
