shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
