It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
