when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
