Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
