how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
