I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
