Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I need water and some morals
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
