dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
