You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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