They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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