after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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