absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
