Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
