does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
