we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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