My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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