I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
