I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize