I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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