i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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