he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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