sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
