I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
