Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
