I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
