so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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