Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
