found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize