It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I cannot find my penis.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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