Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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