just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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