the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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