she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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