I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
