Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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